April 3, 2020 The Spring of our Discontent Scripture: 2 Corinthians 4: 16
I love how things will jump out at you in the Bible.
Once long ago, I decided to take a four-month period and live in a small monastery near Oxford, NC (the monastery is no longer there, sorry to say). My reason: I wanted to go to the woods with my questions for God and see if living a life of prayer could help me be a better pastor. Sad to say, I managed to last about four days instead of four months. But I learned enough in those four days to give me lessons for a lifetime.
Twice a day, we gathered, the six of us, for common prayer: once at 3:30 in the morning, and once at 5:00 in the afternoon. And yes, 22-year-old Jamie DID get up every morning at 3:15 to make it to church by 3:30!!! The basic service was very much like the service we have done at Timberlake Christian Church for several Wednesdays during Lent: an opening statement, three to five Psalms, a scripture reading, prayers, and closing. Lots of silence was dispersed through the service.
I asked Brother Jim, my mentor and friend, how the Psalms were selected, and he said, “We just pick one and read it.” So, each evening before bed, I would select a Psalm to read, not actually paying attention to what I had chosen. After two days, Br. John, another mentor and friend, asked me if I were okay. When I asked him what he meant, he said, “Every Psalm you read is a lament! Think about it. What you are saying to all of us is that you are struggling with being here!”
That was the beginning of my realization that even though I was not consciously aware of it, the Bible was speaking for me. I thought I was just choosing meaningful Psalms; but what the Psalms were doing were actually praying for me the prayers that I needed to face!
As Paul says in the scripture today (and what jumped out at me this morning!), my outer nature was wasting away; but my inner nature was being renewed. I faced my true feelings, apologized to the monks, and went home.
On a brighter note, I returned to the monastery six months later, shortly after my father had died, to be received with open arms by my brother monks. And during that visit, God wrapped loving arms around me and allowed me to grieve and to receive a wonderful gift of healing, almost a love note signed by God.
That’s a story for another time!
Prayer: speak to us through scripture, our God, and show us your ways, your wisdom, your teachings, your presence, and your love, in Jesus’ name, amen.
About jamiebrame
Greetings, fellow earthlings. I'm the retired Program Director at Christmount, the national retreat, camp, and conference center of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), in Black Mountain, NC. From September 2019 through October, 2020, I served Timberlake Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Lynchburg, VA, as interim minister. After taking more than a year off, First Christian Church (DoC), Wilson, NC, offered me the position of Interim Minister, beginning May 10, 2022.
Originally from Eden, NC, I graduated from John Motley Morehead High School, earned a BA in Religion and Philosophy at Atlantic Christian College (now Barton College), and eked out a Master of Divinity from the Divinity School at Duke University. I served, in various positions, churches (part time and full time) in North Carolina and Georgia, and have lived in Black Mountain, NC, since 1989. I married Renae in 1992 (she refers to these years as "looooooooooong" years.
I've spent the past 50 years or so trying to practice Christian contemplative prayer with some touches of Zen meditation to help the journey along. Married to a wife who is much holier than I am, I am fortunate to learn from her daily about how to do this thing called spirituality. Being an ordained minister doesn't make me holy (but occasionally, as you'll read, a little sanctimonious, so forgive me in advance!); but I hope that I put my education to good use.
I'd love to be considered a spiritual teacher, but I know myself too well to claim that. While I do a bit of teaching, I think the best teaching we do is when we remain silent (the old desert abba said something like, "if you won't learn from my silence, you won't learn from my talking"). But silence shouldn't turn into quietism, and we do have to speak out and act for justice and fairness and equality for all.
I frequently ask myself the question, "Does it matter?" about the major - and minor - issues of the day. What I think matters: love for God, equality, fairness, loving our neighbor, feeding hungry people, housing homeless ones, clothing naked ones, and especially caring for children; basically, caring for those who have some trouble caring for themselves. AND our relationship with God.
What doesn't matter: what you think of me. I'm not very Christ-like. You won't hear me talking about all the things I do for others, or all the things I do for God - I was taught that It's not about me, and using good works to get attention for myself isn't what Christian faith is about - look up "narcissism" on Google. I'm not sure Jesus thinks it matters much that I am like him or not, but I do. The old story from the rabbis is probably apropo: when I am hauled up before God at the end of time, God isn't going to ask me why I wasn't more like someone else: I will be asked why I wasn't more like me. The rabbis tell the story better.
I'm still a work in progress, as Renae will attest to.
Finally, I just hope that something you read here will make you think. Use what you can, ignore the rest. Go read some of the desert saints. Read the classics. Take care of people, never point to yourself, and don't follow me: I'm just hoping to be one more signpost to God.
And as one friend reminded me the week before I left Christmount, "It matters."
Oh, and my favorite color is probably blue, and I love cats, and I love my wife's music. I don't like beets.
Does It Matter 